Unwinding Samsara

I haven't been posting because I'm studying so much on this path I feel as if I'm in a deeply liminal time and it is difficult to articulate my thoughts.

The last 9 months I've begun the studies in the Shambhala lineage that will lead me to the short-term vows as a nun, I hope, at the Gampo Abbey. At first the teachings seemed abstract, for lack of a better way of defining it, and they felt far away from me for a bit, detached, and I wondered if I would ever understand them.

The dark of winter was filled with depression, something I've only worked with the last few years since my mom died, when the light shortens all stresses feel as if they are tenfold as large. I even worried for myself and wondered if I would ever pull through it, would I ever feel light again.

The light of day returned and with it a resonance with what felt abstract. I feel like I've only just opened my eyes and things are hard to define anymore. Or, a sense they are definable in so many ways that naming one just doesn't begin to make sense. This also led to a feeling of loneliness, for everything looked different to me than it had before, changing my self-concept but also putting a feeling of distance between us.

I could see more, my own ups and downs, clinging, distraction, ego, desire for pleasure, avoidance of pain/discomfort, and also that of others. Hearing my own storylines I've told myself and others repeatedly, viewing how I run towards or away from things, my neurosis and my wisdom, my blindness and my clear seeing. Honestly, I feel so rude saying this, but for the most part it ended up making me not like many people who I'd liked or tolerated before, and that included myself.

Even those close to me I could see their illusions and I felt as if we were both wasting our life moments away sucked up in some pattern that repeats and repeats. This caused me some feelings of anger for stepping on this path because ignorance was bliss in many ways, and I remember before this time feeling I could love everyone no matter what just because it seemed the most peaceful path.

My views of others in repeat patterns, often engaging with me in them, and watching myself, caused this avoidance of them, of those interactions. I wondered, deeply concerned, if I would ever develop compassion for others again.

Lately I've felt the seeds sprouting of complexity and compassion without clinging or judging, avoiding, embellishing. This is a relief. I'm heartened that the path onwards from here will be easier in small ways, that at least I will know things truly will cycle through and settle in. I guess that's having faith, for lack of a better term, in what this path holds for me in growth.

Tonight we'll explore Loving Kindness Meditation, and specifically what are the root causes of suffering, and what are the root causes of happiness.

We begin by understanding some of the root causes of happiness...

- Having shelter - somewhere to live where we feel safe, warm, healthy
- Having food - nutrient dense foods that help keep our body and mind well
- Loving relationships - reciprocal relationships with others where we feel safe


There are two distinct types of suffering. The kind of suffering that happens to us...

- Natural disasters
- Some kinds of illness (explained below)
- Accidents

Suffering we create for ourselves

- Lifestyle habits that lead to unhealthy life experiences and/or illness
- Unhealthy relationships with ourselves, others, and with aspects in our lives like unbalanced work practices, damaging relationships with eating, belief systems about ourselves

By understanding the root causes of happiness for ourselves, as well as the root causes of suffering we self-create, we can begin to cultivate habits leading to more happiness and less suffering for ourselves and those around us.

We'll focus tonight on the idea of looking inward and sorting out which life choices, habits, patterns, belief systems, financial choices, eating choices, movement choices, relationship choices bring us the root causes of happiness or the root causes of suffering.

By understanding these ideas deeply we can draw more out of our Loving Kindness meditation practice. I teach Loving Kindness this way...

First, choose someone or a pet, that you could truly in your heart wish for to have the root causes of happiness and be free of both kinds of suffering - the ones that happen to us, as well as the ones we do to ourselves. For me, before I had my daughter, my cat was this being I held those feelings for, nowadays it is my girl I hold in this space. We spend time holding the image of this person or animal in our hearts with this idea in mind.

Next, wish for yourself to have the root causes of happiness and to be free of both kinds of suffering. If you have a unhealthy relationship with yourself this maybe challenging. If it is, then go back to the person or animal you can easily cultivate those feelings for and find the energy again, then try to transfer that compassionate energy to yourself.

We move this idea to someone we have what I call a 'nodding relationship' with, someone you know very lightly, like someone who works at the grocery story, or post office. This is a person you don't know well enough not to like ; ) Hold this energy of wishing for that person to have the root causes of happiness and to be free of both kinds of suffering.

Pick someone you don't know. This always challenges me, so I listen for, or imagine someone driving by in a car and pick them. We cultivate for this unknown person to have the root causes of happiness and to be free of both kinds of suffering.

Now we get deeper, we choose someone who is irritating or annoying to us. This person grates your nerves. If this person was free of suffering and had the root causes of happiness they may not be as irritating : ) Hope for this person for these things.

We come to working with someone who has harmed us. For a newer practitioner it is good to begin with someone who has lightly hurt you, perhaps a coworker who hurt your feelings - something of that level - rather than beginning with someone who you have a lot of deep hurt with. Once you develop these practices you can work more with people in your life that have caused you more intense harm. We wish for this person to have the root causes of happiness and to be free of both kinds of suffering. Truly, if this person had those things they may not have caused us harm.

We end with coming back to ourselves, wishing for ourselves to have the root causes of happiness and be free of both kinds of suffering - the kinds that happen to us, as well as those habits we participate in that cause us our own suffering.

***

Tonight I will talk about these items, as well as providing guidance for meditation. I'll include some of the instructions here for those who sit with me to refer back to as they journey through these practices.

How to arrange your body - In many meditation practices the body is held in a particular way. When you practice meditation with me I allow for your body to organize itself in whatever ways are most comfortable. The reason I do this is because of doing so much work with body pain in my students and in myself and finding these body pains to be a distraction to working with the mind. When you are in a position and meditating, if your body gives you a message or pain or discomfort I encourage you to reorganize your physical being so you can come back to your mind. However, I want to mention we often ignore body messages, and it is vital to note them to yourself without giving them a storyline, meaning not letting your mind wander off to think about that thing, but not ignore it completely. We can do this by naming and then letting go. For instance, my back will ache and I'll say to myself internally, back discomfort, then I'll change positions and come back to my practice. I need to know my back bothered me, but I don't want to have my mind wander off in future and past about these things while I'm meditating.

What is the point of the practices described below? To gain wisdom and compassion for how the busy mind takes us away from our present moment. To catch those background mind chatter and belief systems and bring them out into the open for analysis. We gain ability to stay open to what is really happening in the present moment more often, which enlivens our life and leads towards the root causes of happiness. We get to know ourselves deeply, cultivate compassion for our experiences, and grow more deeply connected to ourselves as well as to others.

Thirty-percent awareness on the out breath - Many practices have detailed instructions for what to do with our mind and our breath. In this practice our only goal with the breath is to maintain a thirty-percent awareness of it going out. Our in breath we are not focusing on witnessing, only the out breath. This is so we can work with our mind chatter, get a feel for what goes on in our minds, and yet have some anchor to our present moment by coming back to each out breath with a low level awareness.

We can imagine the mind like a sky. On a stress-free, easy-going day the sky may be clear and bright blue, only a little white fluffy cloud of sticky thought floating across the sky now and again. The cloud is small, so the stickiness of this thought or storyline is somewhat easy to touch and let go. We can name it 'thinking' and let it go, allow it to float across our mind's sky and out of the picture.

On more stressful days the sky may be full of clouds, with very little clear sky available. We name 'thinking' and work at letting go of storylines and hooked thinking more often than not.

On an incredibly stressful day the clouds may be miles thick, with no blue sky, and our thinking will seem to eat at us with constancy.

We must cultivate compassion for all these experiences. Meditation practice isn't for the practice time, it is to help us be available to our life outside of practice.

The ability to let go of cyclical and sticky thought patterns brings space inside of us. Having an open space inside allows us to authentically experience our present moments, our lives. It changes us profoundly.

Thoughts are sticky, how sticky they are will determined how hooked you get on continuing them. If someone you don't know cuts you off in traffic you may feel yourself thinking about how awful that person was, but you will soon forget and move into other things. What if that person was a coworker who you have issues with? You can imagine the thoughts about how awful that was will hook you more, and letting go of the energy of the experience will be more challenging. What if your family member did something, something they've done repeatedly and they know bothers you, imagine how sticky those thoughts will be about it, and how hooked you'll become on replaying the incidents again and again.

For more practice on working with hooked thinking please consult Pema Chodron's Getting Unstuck audiobook.

I am looking forward to sharing meditation space with you all and taking tea with those who have space in their schedules to do so.

Hello All,

Happy dark of winter to you : )

I have had many requests for meditation practice, and I need the time to sit with you too, so I'm scheduling one practice into December. After our practice feel free to stay on for awhile to have a cup of tea. If you have your own tea/cup that would be wonderful to bring. I'll have a few in the studio and some varied teas to choose from.

Please feel free to bring anyone you want. We are meeting at the pole studio so there's plenty of space. I have a couple of cushions and light blankets, but bring your own if you have them so those without can borrow mine.

Meditation Practice
Tuesday December 14 6-7 pm
Samsara Pilates and Aerial Studio
2505 6th avenue Suite B
253-370-2452

This one-hour practice will begin with a dharma talk (some idea of which to help us understand these practices - how they work, why they are useful, where they come from, etc), followed by a guided meditation including following the sound of the bell, practicing levels of breath awareness, and other techniques, a quiet sit time with no interruption from me/teaching, ending with LovingKindness meditation. If you wish to take tea after and visit with the others please feel welcome to. I'll stay in the studio until 8 to host this.

***

I am currently studying work by an AMAZING teacher!!!!! She was a somatics person named Charlotte Selver. I know her work will be a part of my own work for ever more. Her work was a situation of students meeting in a space, given very little direction on what to feel/think/do, but given a way to embody with their experiences through somatic explorations. One of my favorite, which wouldn't work for many of us due to food allergies, was a practice she did of giving each of her students one almond. Asking them to wait to eat it until she said. Just hold it, be with it, explore it, be quiet in the mind with it. When the students were finally allowed to eat this one almond it became this giant experiences in their brain, awakening to the taste, texture, experience of eating this thing. ----- Oh I am so full from studying her work!!! In the new year I plan to host things similar to her work, and probably include sitting meditation and lovingkindness practice with it. If this is of interest to you please let me know : )

Here is Charlotte at 102! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cSAQzseGXM

lovem

I plan to take short-term vows as a nun at Gampo Abbey when my daughter is fully grown, and in need of her own adventure away from mother.

I love that this is part of my path. I love working within myself every day, being mindful, learning.

http://www.gampoabbey.org/life/index.html


Monasticism at Gampo Abbey

Gampo Abbey is committed to offer monastic training with compassionate and skillful guidelines in how to embody the teachings, how to work with each other and how to speak genuinely and listen fully to each other. This training is further enforced by the Vinaya (the traditional monastic Buddhist code). The promise of awakening is realized through the fearlessness to overcome the obstacles that cover up our natural inherent, innate, always present wakefulness, which is also called basic goodness. At Gampo Abbey, we allow our outer forms to tame us thoroughly.

The unifying factor, the backbone defining the Gampo Abbey monastic experience, is the Shambhala Terma teachings of our founder, the Vidyadhara Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche: the collective project to create an enlightened society. Throughout their stay at the Abbey, all residents, including those coming from other traditions, will be exposed to the Shambhala teachings and be invited to follow the first levels of training.

Joining an intentional community creates a container that supports each individual’s efforts at waking up and developing mindfulness and encourages self-responsibility. The container minimizes choices and heightens awareness through providing a clear schedule and structure. At Gampo Abbey, one has a combination of scheduled practice, study, work, regular house chores and occasional service for visiting teachers or special programs. All residents agree to abide by the five Buddhist precepts (not killing, not taking what is not offered, not lying, no sexual activity, no intoxicants), to fully participate in the daily schedule and the observance of silence and to attend the bi-monthly Sojong purification ceremony.

Through vows and commitments, relating to our life with an open heart and mind becomes choiceless. Then our senses open up, we become relaxed and we can enjoy experiences in ways otherwise not available. When everyone is moving in the same direction this develops windhorse or lungta, the energy to raise ourselves above conventional mind, above doubt. This is the inner magic of working together as a community.

Under the spiritual guidance of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche holder of the Shambhala lineage, our Abbot the Venerable Khenchen Thrangu Rinpoche, our main teacher Gampo Acharya Pema Chödrön, and senior monastics, the Abbey community is committed to developing monasticism within the tradition of Shambhala Buddhism drawing from its Kagyu and Nyingma lineages.


Temporary Ordination

At the request of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Ven.Thrangu Rinpoche introduced temporary ordination [Tsanchö Genyen/Upasaka Bramacarya ordination] to give Dharma practitioners an opportunity to experience monasticism without making a lifetime commitment. The prerequisite is the Refuge Vow. Temporary ordination is offered after residing at the Abbey for at least three months. Residents may request temporary ordination and be ordained for a minimum of six months or for the balance of their stay. Temporary monastics shave their heads, wear robes and train in the disciplines and rituals of monastic life.

In the first phase training is geared towards cultivating the contentment of the Tiger stressed in the first trainings of Shambhala. Ingredients for this training are amongst others;

* cultivating friendliness to all aspects of oneself (unconditional friendship of self);
* developing mindfulness in everyday life, in particular mindful discernment or payu;
* working with shenpa, seeing one's story lines and trusting that one can make the choice of not strengthening old habits of ego;
* practicing renunciation, the basis of the Hinayana traditional practices;
* respecting silent periods.

It also entails training in monastic forms and other monastic skills, such as:

* how to wear robes properly;
* how to make tormas;
* how to be umdze and gatekeeper for group practices;
* how to eat oryoki meals;
* how to maintain shrines;
* how to raise flags

In the second phase , the emphasis will be on further trainings like knowing how to raise the lungta of a perky Lion. This means amongst others:

* training to keep one's heart and mind open in deep listening and genuine communication. Being able to do this depends on mindful discernment that is rooted in gentleness and friendliness;
* training with the rest of the community in the discipline of the six Paramitas (generosity, moral conduct, patience, exertion, meditation and wisdom) and the main practices of Mahayana: bodhicitta and tonglen;
* developing a correct understanding of the three vows (Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana).

In this phase the Gampo Abbey monastic will be encouraged to take on more responsibility in the area of monastic forms and skills, to be able to teach some of them and lead discussion groups.

In the third phase, temporary monastics continue their active service in the Abbey. The emphasis of training is more on:

* understanding the meaning of impermanence, change, freedom from fixed mind. Examining how to free self, other and the world of one's prejudices and bias's;
* refining of actions of body and speech, applying a joyful mindfulness to whatever you do;
* embodying monastic discipline in such a way that you become an example for newer monastics.

In general, temporary monastics will learn a lot by interacting with the elders and the other life monastics of Gampo Abbey. Also, temporary monastics are encouraged to take part in the Vidyadhara Institute Shedra program taught in two sessions every year. Although this in-depth study program is not mandatory, it helps them to go deeper in their study and contemplation of the Buddhist teachings.

Someone who has completed a period of two years as a temporary monastic may make a request to the life monastics of the abbey that he or she be considered for Parma Rabjung ordination.

Charlotte Selver was a somatics person. I started studying her this week. Much of her writings are close to my heart. They are meditation, they are present moment, they are awareness to many things.

http://www.sensoryawareness.org/see-without-eyes.html

I enjoyed this article so much I wanted to post it here.

To See Without Eyes, To Hear Without Ears, To Taste Without a Mouth

By Charlotte Selver

Remarks made by Charlotte Selver in 1962 during a joint seminar with Alan Watts. This text appears in our new Bulletin Charlotte Selver. Vol I, collected writings.

When we do not function naturally anymore but instead use our senses, we do something. We do something in seeing, we do something in smelling, we do something in hearing and tasting. Actually, this is how we are educated. When the mother says to the child, 'Doesn't this taste good!' (lipsmacking sounds) or 'Listen to the airplane!' (looking up strenuously), etc., etc. - this mother, with the best will in the world, begins to disorient and distort the sense perception of the infant. And this distortion is increased when educators force a child to answer immediately and as correctly as possible. Much pressure is put upon the child to respond as people want him to. We come into the world and soon learn to feel we always should be doing something instead of simply being open for what presents itself at the moment. You may understand now how important it is that we learn to give up this doing. But how can one bring this under the skin of a person?

It is not so easy. For the organism has become accustomed to this 'doing' while perceiving and has built up effortful habits which block this very openness. This is one of the ways we create resistance within ourselves to the organism's very own ways of functioning. Let me mention just a few of such natural functions: breathing; circulation, digestion, organic functioning, movability and soon. We usually call these hindering manifestations 'tensions' or 'strain'. It often goes so far that we become numb in such blocked regions, or that pains develop.

Sometimes you see in the circus a man with overdeveloped biceps who throws a sharp knife at his arm. The knife strikes and jumps back. In other words, it does not penetrate. Now imagine that we become aware of such restrictions which come from hard effort. We say: 'Oh, I am working too hard. I am making too much effort. I have to let go. This is the answer: I have to let go!' We call it relaxing. So we let go, if we can. But it isn't done by just letting go. We often let go too much. We not only give up the unnecessary doings, but also the very necessary healthy tensions, our vitality which we dearly need in living. We become limp, lifeless, heavy. And this is often worse than before, when inner restrictions were still there.

In such a lifeless condition the fine self-directing and renewing process of the organism cannot start up because we have given up too much. The change demands something quite different. As we very gradually give up the restricting tendencies, we feel how with the diminution of this inner straining and tensing the wells begin to flow and fill up the gaps. And there where restrictions hindered, gradually the life activities start filling in. And so recovery, recreation, begins to happen.

Can you go with me? Does this make sense to you? This 'letting go' stuff is just something which we have figured out in our minds. Because if we really would sense, really would be present in what happens, we would feel how lifeless, how depleted of energy, we have become. When one has 'looked' in order to see, has 'listened' in order to hear, has 'sniffed' in order to smell, has made an effort in order to think, one does not know at all that one is constantly hindering the innate capacities of the organism from coming into play.

So when I come to you with an invitation to allow more ease here or there, I do not mean that you simply let go, but that you enter a way, a path which you can only take step by step. In this work of transformation, when you follow anything at all, you follow only your sensations, the natural tendencies of the organism. And to be able to follow these inner needs we have to be awake.

There is a kind of awakeness, a boundless awakeness, in which we don't go around and around with our thoughts, but which arises from quiet, in which we really can experience. When our mind is full of effort and thoughts, it's like when you want to go to a lavatory and there is a sign which says 'occupied.' You can't go in; it's occupied by somebody else. The trouble is only that our mind does not say 'occupied,' but we press our thoughts one after another into the space which is already occupied with something else. You can see how un-fulfilling such an attitude must be.

And so when an invitation reaches you to permit the thoughts gradually to come to more rest, and you allow that, then a process can start and restore you while your efforts begin to decrease. Then your head gradually clears, and at the end you are awake and feel wonderfully released, and everything in you can function.

I would like to finish this little explanation with a remark that Elsa Gindler, my teacher, once made. When we would say: 'Ah, I feel so marvelously light,' or 'Oh, I could run and do anything in the world' - and I would say, 'What a deep awareness!' and 'How one can grow with something like that!' she said, 'Charlotte, don't make such a fuss. You simply function a little bit more normally.'

So what I have to offer you is nothing but that you begin to give up what is hindering you, and you become 'a little more normal.'

I've been working with mindfulness, present moment, compassion for self and others, and clear seeing.

I wish, right now, I had the group practice because I could use the actual sitting and sharing energy space with others, but I'm grateful for my solo practice.

I think it would be lovely to host a summer evening meditation in the park. Perhaps later in the summer when the grass is sure to be dry!

The light of day is growing so we've stopped our weekly meditation sits until the light fades again. I will make at least a couple of opportunities for meditation practice over the summer.

In fall I intend to run a longer meditation practice and reading group once per month. I hope to build this into more of a small sangha where we can study, sit, and socialize together.

I really enjoyed sharing meditation space with such wonderful women this winter. Thank you to all who shared energy.

Feminine Studies Weekend

With Melissa Macourek





Friday June 4

Sex Class - Free



This is the class I run for free twice a year that teaches on the pelvic floor with regard to sex, hormones, sex, aging, sex ; ) There will be a social hour before the class for those who wish to attend. Social Hour at Sax on 6th Avenue 4:30-5:45, Sex Class at the Pole Studio 6:00 - 9:00 pm. Must register! Those attending the Saturday/Sunday workshops have first dibs on the Friday Class spots.



Saturday June 5

Jade Egg Class



1:00 -4:00 Three-hour class learning the Jade Egg work. Held in the Pole Studio. Cost $65 registration by May 1 -- $75 after. Must purchase a jade egg - $46 with shipping from Saida www.thedesiletsmethod.com. Students learn how to take care of their egg, how to use it, and remove it. The jade egg work articulates the pelvic floor in ways you have to feel to understand. Many worry about the set up of how all these women are doing the work together. The studio is private and comfortable. Each woman will wear loose fitting pants so she can work with the egg without being unclothed. Each woman has her space on the floor, brings blankets and pillows. No one is naked : ) I've done this work with others and it works out fine : ) Students come away with a clear understanding of beginning Jade Egg work, as well as a handout explaining the exercises for home practice. Must register! Those attending Sunday's workshop have first dibs on spaces in the Jade Egg class.



Sunday June 6

Pelvic Floor Workshop



12:00 - 3:30 pm - 3.5 hour workshop covering anatomy, evolution, issues such as prolapse, stress incontinence, c-section, birth damage, hysterectomy, back pain, abdominal surgery, etc, and learning specialized movement to assess your own pelvis, as well as to rebalance it. We learn about hunter/gatherer movement patterns to better understand how the body breaks down and how to enliven our joints in gravity, including pelvic floor. Students come away with deep personal understanding of their body, and handout with much of the information and exercises they learn in the workshop. This class is held at the Tacoma City Ballet in the Merlino Art Center. Cost $65 registration by May 1 -- $75 after.



Private sessions

Sessions available Friday all day, and Saturday morning. Session lengths depend on issues being worked with and can range anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. Price is a dollar a minute. If a session is booked for a full 2 hours the cost will only be $100, rather than $120.



**Discount for booking both the Jade Egg Class and the Pelvic Floor Workshop. By May 1 $120, after May 1 $140.



www.samsarapilates.com mjmacourek@gmail.com 253-370-2452

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2008/09/dr-reggie-ray-busy-ness-is-laziness

Really wonderful piece about busy-ness being a form of laziness.